I apologize for any sort of writing mistakes made, like how my writing falters when writing such long paragraphs or whatever. I also want to apologize if i leave out anything, since it's not intended, I'm just the forgetful kind of person.
that aside, as you may know, I had a reputation for being miserable and hateful online, mostly in the vocal synth community. pointing and laughing at the less educated (vocal synth wise), all because i thought it was funny, and i had no intentions to hurt anyone, yet I'd keep repeating my actions, due to me being easily irritated by these things, or because, like i said, i found them funny.
and that's why i went out of my to make this apology, i've been procrastinating on it for a while, i even had to rewrite this atleast two times, i originally wanted it to be a YouTube video, but i found that to be pretty unnecessary.
anyway,
• correcting lesser educated people, usually in comment sections and so on.
I'm quite sure that enough people know about this already, since i happen to be in alot of comment sections.
usually in the comments of vocal synth related videos, you may see me correct someone over a small thing they got wrong, (ex. teto isn't a vocaloid, she's an UTAU/SynthV, or people mixing up characters, and the softwares they're in. yadda yadda.)
while i do think there's nothing wrong with correcting someone on a mistake they made, the real problem was how i would usually correct people, how i came off.
it's the way my tone would usually come off. I'd come off rude, and it was either unintentionally, or i was genuinely upset, just because.
I wont lie, as ashamed i am to admit, there was times where i was genuinely had to fight the urge to correct someone when I'd see someone in the comment section of a vocal synth related video unintentionally get something wrong, or unintentionally spread misinformation, and it would fuel my urge just to correct that person type out information of that said thing they were wrong about.
i will admit, there is times where i, myself, can get stuff wrong about vocal synth related things, often due to forgetfulness, and people humble me really quickly whenever i do so, but i just find the whole thing to be really, really stupid now.
I've come to full realization as to how stupid it is. I've been known for a while, really, but I was basically on that "haha ooh I'm such a hater" bullshit, or whatever it's called, and i never thought much of my actions, and the consequences of them. i was really getting to comfortable online, not being aware of how i could be perceived. usually, i wouldn't care about how I'd be perceived alot of the time, but now that i think about it, It's just very uhh....yikes. i don't exactly care about that, (well, it depends.) but i don't wanna be seen as a hater, anymore. i only wanted to be seen as that only for jokes, but i never really knew how serious it would be.
I want to apologize for this. I want to try and do this way less, or whenever i do correct someone, i come off nicer, and less serious, which is something i picked up from a toxic group of people, but i wont go in full depth, since its probably unnecessary. i will admit, i was acting like some sort of "know it all" whenever I'd try to correct people, and the whole thing is just stupid, really. I'm ashamed of how serious I was acting over something this small. If anything, people who get stuff wrong about vocal synth related things eventually do research and find out for themselves.
when i get the chance, i want to purge alot of the comments I've during the past year, not only out of shame, but as a way to start over, or something like that.
next..
• posting screenshots of lesser educated vocal synth fans on twitter
This is similar to what I did stated above. Basically, I'd go out of my way to post screenshots of lesser educated vocaloid fans, saying things i would find to be "stupid" in my opinion, because i thought it was really funny, but I'll also admit that i came off really mean and cruel in the process of it all.
It was something i did for a good while, and I'd blow up, without intention, and i would get followers off of it. it wasn't intended at all, i kept telling myself I'd stop it, not only because of how bad I'd usually feel after, but also because of the amount of attention i got from it. I'd pretend to be okay with it, but deep down i felt really shitty, and I'd keep repeating my actions. not only did i find these "funny" and i was genuinely irritated at times because when I'd see people say something id find to be "stupid" or unintentionally spread misinformation without doing research, I'd be like, "wow, that's so unbelievably stupid!! laugh out loud!" while exhaling dramatically. looking back at my behavior during this time, i will admit that i was ashamed of doing such things, and I'm even more ashamed looking back at it now, because of how immature it is. i don't want to care about how people see me as, but i genuinely don't wanna be seen as "haha hater hahaha", because it's just corny, and it may have hurt people without me even realizing, because i never really cared about the consequences. i am genuinely sorry for my actions, not to mention how mean i would come off when replying to some people who would quote retweet the posts.
usually whenever a post of mine would blow up, i would get all panicky, not only because of the guilt, but it was also because i just really disliked getting popularity/attention in general, and I'd try to ignore it, or act okay with it. I'd even have to scroll really fast though my notifications alot of the time not just because of guilt and backlash but just because i really really disliked popularity and attention and it'd take me a while to have the guts to go out of my way to either mute said tweet or just delete it because i was too scared to go back and look at it, and i'd usually reply to people via notification. immature, right? I'm truly sorry for posting such immature things, and acting immature over petty stuff like this.
i was acting like some sort of "vocaloid og" which is considered annoying. i will admit, I'm not an og, since i stumbled across vocaloid about a decade ago, if anything , whenever i call myself an of or something along the lines, it's usually me messing around alot of the time, but I'm genuinely not all aware of how serious i come off.
and as i type this, I'm in my mid teens, so if anything i shouldn't have any sort of place to talk. I don't care when you joined the vocaloid fandom. i don't care if you call utaus, and other vocal synths "vocaloids" when they arent. i shouldn't have made big deals over such small, and stupid things, and I'm really sorry for it.
next.
• I'm not sure what to call this one, sorry.
if you don't remember, basically there was this screenshot i posted of someone on discord claiming to be Zundamon's n1 fan. like the total loser i was, i though this was funny, because i was assuming they just found out about zundamon, i posted that screenshot shot on twitter, and said something along the lines of, "this person probably just found out about zundamon", or whatever, since i can't remember it fully.
I've already looked back at this, over and over, even a little after i deleted it, and I obviously regret it all. It was immature and stupid of me to do such things.
I don't care about when you found out abut a character, i don't care if tou claim yourself to be the #1 fan of a character. I've already learned that it's people having fun and i shouldn't take things like that seriously. I'm sorry to anyone I've hurt, or offended because of me doing stuff like this. really.
next
• (slight NSFW warning) saying, and doing inappropriate things.
as you may know, on my account, I'd say inappropriate things, and make inappropriate jokes. I'm not entirely sure if anyone actually has a problem with this, since alot of people I've interacted with on Twitter just considered it normal and played along, but in the other hand I'm pretty sure there's people who've gotten uncomfortable over such things. it was mainly me joking about boobs and it was mainly because i saw alot of other people on there do it, so i just considered it to be pretty normal.
not only just jokes, but inappropriate like fanart. it wasn't full on nsfw, but on my art account, i drew gumi with a chest that was pretty large and an overall curvy, unrealistic build.
the artwork was kind of a joke, but at the same time i considered it to be me trying something different, though it just made me come off pretty weird. after all i was laughing my ass off while drawing the whole thing, and then mid drawing i was thinking to myself and just thinking whether i should post it or not, but i decided to put myself at risk and post it anyway, though i regretted it shortly after. what i find to be more funny was taht it was art for her 15th anniversary, uhh.
I want to apologize for this, and I'm sorry if i made anyone uncomfortable with such things. though I've never seen anyone complain that they were uncomfortable with me doing such a thing, i could probably tell, without even asking or anything.
seriously, I'm sorry. i did something like this like, twice. it was out of curiosity but i was also on that "haha gooner funny!!" shit which i find to be quite embarrassing now.
I apologize to anyone ive made uncomfortable with both my inappropriate jokes, and questionable artwork. i had no intention to make anyone uncomfortable, really. if i do anything like this again, I'll make sure and try to keep to myself when it comes to such things. i don't know nor do i remember if anyone blatantly said they were uncomfortable but there was most likely a chance. I'm genuinely sorry. If i ever do anything like this again, I'll try and learn to keep it to myself.
i would basically use twitter as some sort of personal diary, or i would tweet out the things going on in my head, etc, without any second thought, alot of the stuff i did on there was pretty hostile and impulsive, and i really do regret it all.
• overall
I'm genuinely sorry for all the stuff i did in general. there may have been alot left out, because, like i said, i forgot a majority of the things i posted on my twitter account. most of it was literally me having a meltdown over stupid shit, or jusy me literally going insane, crying for help.
i don't care about what you like, or what you do, or the things that you do to cope, i don't care about any of that shit, and i don't want to. I'm sorry for all the stuff i pulled online, really. There's alot of takes and things I've said on twitter that i genuinely do not stand by anymore.
there's people i was to apologize to directly, but i can't, usually because they either have me blocked, or because i forgot their username, but since these things occurred a few months ago, they may not even care or may have forgotten about it.
alot of the things i did on here were usually picked up from other people i would be around, or because i saw lots of people online do similar things. im not saying they're to blame, or trying to excuse my actions, because despite all that, i should be held accountable either way. I would go out of my way to explain how i picked these up, and the backstory behind it all, but it'll all be too unnecessary, despite me wanting go just to get a better understanding. i was around hateful, fun hating people for a good while, and even had them as friends, so you could say that i was influenced by people who were way worse. in general alot of things i picked up and you've seen me do was usually because i thought it was normal or because i saw others do it. and I'm sorry for doing such things.
if you don't want to forgive me, and want to hold grudges against me, then that's totally fine. I can't force anyone to forgive me, if anything, alot of my actions were repeated, so i totally understand.
in the end, the stuff I've been influenced by, or have gone through, doesn't excuse any of my actions, and i deserve to be held accountable. I'm sorry for everything, really. i want to put all this behind me.
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if you have any screenshots of my old tweets, especially ones that gained attraction, i want to kindly ask you to delete it. as weird as it may sound, but i genuinely don't want to associate with that part of myself anymore.
id also appreciate if you don't dm me about this whole thing, and saying that you forgive me, and what not. i know i shouldn't be acting this way, but it's just quite overwhelming for me.
if you read to the end, then thank you. i don't expect any sort of forgiveness but the only good thing is that i apologized and that I'm trying atleast.
